A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
