The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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