At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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