she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
