Whod you bang
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
