She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
