I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
