doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
