there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
