So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
