i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
