So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
