I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need to calm my uterus...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
