See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
