Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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