In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
