wrigley field is MILF paradise
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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