Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
