also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
