you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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