i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
