hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
