I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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