Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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