Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're too hungover to prance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
