yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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