Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
