The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
