that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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