I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
