took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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