i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
