Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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