My room smells like vodka and shame
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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