it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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