Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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