I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
