Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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