No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
