I wanna passion pit in your ass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
