i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
