its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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