you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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