If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
