You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
