turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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