if i can run in heels then i can drive
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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