im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
