Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
