we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
