but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
