Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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